Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
