I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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