The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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