pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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