this beer tastes like vomit already
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
