I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
operation have a gay friend backfired
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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