I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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