yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
The power of my boobs compel you
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
