So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
