update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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