I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
The feeling are messing with the penis
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
