What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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