woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
