I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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