I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
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I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
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The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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