Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
