i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
