Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
