its not stalking. its research.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
The uberlube is also flammable
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
