mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
