He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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