Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
