I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
