i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize