After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Randomize
