i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
