i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
