i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.