I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
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So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
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would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.