Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Are we still banned from the library?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Randomize
Follow @tfln