well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
