Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
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it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
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I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!