I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
