Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
