I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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