I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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