just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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