i jhust puked up my retainher.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
