I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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