I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
