It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
