My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I love having hate sex.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
