Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
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It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
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fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize