So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
