Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
