I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Randomize
