My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
