Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I just forgot I was standing up.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
