threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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