thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
