i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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