i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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