i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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