I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
