I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
