Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
