all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
