Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
