Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
