Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
